| Getting The One Girl You Have Always Liked |
By David DeAngelo
>>>THIS WEEK'S QUESTION
Hey. Just want to say that your tips about being cocky+ funny
really helped me. I actually have two (or three?) women fighting
over me, and it was only like a year ago that I would be lucky if a
women ever talked to me for more than 5 minutes. But I still
have one problem. Your tips only help with 3/4 the women out
there. No matter how attracted the other ladies can be to me, I
still can't get this one chick to like me. She's the quiet type
and your tips don't seem to work on her. Why does it never work
for the woman you want? HELP!!
AJ~
>>>MY COMMENTS
This is one of those questions that I get all the time, in one form or
another.
It seems that no matter how successful some guys become with women,
they just can't feel satisfied...
They always want that one particular girl... and of course, she
usually doesn't want him.
You have 2 (or 3) women FIGHTING over you right now, but you don't
want THEM. You want some other girl who is playing hard to get (or who
just isn't interested in you for whatever reason). And it was just a
year ago when you would have been "lucky to have a woman talk to
you for more than 5 minutes".
Am I the only one who finds this amusing? (It doesn't sound like you
find it very amusing.)
The reason that I chose to feature this question in this Q&A
Dating Tip is because it illustrates a couple of very important
concepts that are right in front of us, but difficult to see.
Here they are in a nutshell:
1) We humans want what we don't or can't have far more than we want
what's freely available to us.
2) The more you WANT a woman (and the more she knows that you want
her), the less likely you are to ever get her... (see #1 for more
info).
It's kind of a feedback loop, see?
So what can you do about it?
1) Notice that desire is increased in proportion to lowered
availability. THIS GOES BOTH WAYS, by the way.
2) Stop acting like you WANT something, and there's a good chance that
the availability will go up.
3) Keep improving your skills and success, and focus on what's working
for you... and let that success give you the strength to not NEED
anything.
COMMENTARY:
So I mentioned that desire is increased in proportion to lower
availability.
Think for a moment: Have you ever had a girlfriend who was away for
some period of time? Or maybe a long- distance relationship?
Can you remember the feeling of missing her growing stronger the
longer she was away?
Now, can you remember after you were together again how that feeling
went away... to the point where you forgot to treasure every moment
together because it wasn't perceived as a rare event?
Most of us can identify with these situations.
Well, the same dynamics play themselves out in NEW
"relationships" as well.
If you meet a woman, and she knows that you like her, she's going to
be more likely to "play hard to get", resist you, etc.
because there's no challenge involved. You're easy, and she knows it.
And to women, EASY doesn't equal INTERESTING.
Next, there's the idea that we humans tend to be attracted to others
who DON'T show us the normal, kind level of butt-kissing approval that
most others do. If someone doesn't instantly act nice and friendly, we
feel inside that something must be wrong, and we need to do something
about it.
Most people are insecure at the deepest levels, and they want everyone
to like them.
Here's the kicker: If you as a man REALLY like a particular woman,
then she's probably going to figure it out in one way or another.
For instance, in the letter above it's pretty clear that there's some
frustration and emotion being felt. It's obvious that someone's into
someone, here.
Well, she probably knows this as well... so all of the things that
you're trying are coming across as "chocolate covered WUSS",
and not authentic.
I often get emails that say "I met this girl that I really
like... and she's really hot... what should I do different so I can
get her?"
And, of course, I write back with:
"Don't do ANYTHING different. But if you HAVE TO, then you should
LAY BACK a little bit. Call her less than you would call normally. See
her less. Play hard to get a little more, if anything."
The idea here is that you need to demonstrate SELFCONTROL,
indifference, and challenge...
Remember, the really attractive women are approached all the time, and
they tune out overly-interested, needy guys who are obsessing over
them almost INSTANTLY.
Finally, I suggest that you keep improving your skills and focus on
what's working... and your success... this way you won't NEED anything
else.
Most humans are walking around unfulfilled... and it's obvious that
they are looking for something to fill up that empty part of them. A
lot of guys try to fill that part up with a WOMAN.
When a person doesn't feel fulfilled, they tend to act kind of
obsessive, neurotic, and sometimes a little bit unstable.
And when you're feeling NEEDY, it comes across in your communications
with women.
On the other hand, if you learn to focus on your success in life and
inner fulfillment, then you won't come across as NEEDY when you meet a
special woman.
She'll just be another woman who happens to have been lucky enough to
be born with good genes... and if she's a nice person as well, then
maybe you'd be interested in getting to know her better.
See what I mean?
It's a VERY powerful mindset.
And it will come across loud and clear with women when you can
"get it."
So, in summary, I'd say that if my tips work on "only" 3/4
of the women you try them on, then you're not doing too damn bad, and
you might want to change your focus a a bit, and realize that this is
a better average than most men will EVER achieve in their entire
lifetimes...
And, as your attitude changes, you'll probably notice even MORE
success with the women you meet.
...and as a side note: If you're reading this right now,
and you'd like to learn how to be successful like this guy with
"only" 3/4 of the women you meet, then I'd recommend that
you get yourself a copy of my online eBook, "Double Your
Dating".
It is JAM PACKED with hundreds and hundreds of amazing techniques that
will help you meet and date more women starting IMMEDIATELY.
Not later, not after you've read it 100 times, IMMEDIATELY.
Of course, it has so many ideas and techniques inside, you're going to
want to read it at least 5 or 7 times... just to "get"
everything.
Go here for more details plus some great free samples. And for more
powerful tips like these, be sure to sign up for my free newsletter:
•Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •
____________________________________________________
David DeAngelo is the
author of "Double Your Dating - What Every Man Should
Know About How To Be Successful With Women", and has taught thousands of men
how to be more successful with women and dating.____________________________________________________
Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.
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