| Break-Up Survival Guide |
Losing a loved one is never easy. Even when the loss is your
choice, it isn't easy. Whether a person experiences a break up
of a relationship, a death of a loved one, or another powerful
loss, there are predictable stages one goes through, predictable
feelings one feels.
Swiss-born psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described the
five classic stages of the coping with grief and loss. According
to Kubler-Ross, a person experiencing loss will go through all
of the stages, in any order. The five stages are:
· Denial
· Resentment
· Bargaining
· Depression
· Acceptance
Loss and subsequent grieving is a powerful, transformative
time. It is a time to take care of yourself, to let go of the
past and to create a future. Unfortunately, many people get
stuck in one of the stages of grief, unable to complete their
process and move on.
If you are experiencing loss and grief right now, if you have
recently ended or are in the process of ending a relationship, I
would like to support you in moving through it in an empowering
way. I've created the following list of suggestions for you to
keep handy to help you cope:
Remember that you...
· will feel pain
· have survived this type of pain before and will this time as well
· will feel lonely
· are ok and lovable
Accept that...
· the relationship is over
· your ex partner has both good and bad qualities; do not
idealize or discount him/her
Focus on...
· yourself
· personal growth
· self care
Get complete with...
· yourself
· your ex
Own...
· the magnificence of who you are
· your part in the relationship break-up
Give yourself time to...
· grieve
· be alone
· recover
Make sure that you...
· get touch, from friends or a body therapist
· have someone to come home to sometimes, like a relative or a
friend
Reinvent...
· your community
· yourself
· your future
· your dreams
If you're experiencing the end of a short-term relationship,
consider the following:
Realize that...
· the pain you feel is not about your ex partner, but about
your past
· if you start healing your past, the pain will subside
· holding on to anger at an ex partner will keep you attached
and in pain
Get complete with...
· your ex partner
· all of your ex partners
· your parents
Give yourself...
· room to grieve
· room to grow
Build for yourself...
· a community
· self-esteem
· a life that you love
Whether you are ending a long-term or a short-term relationship:
· Don't look for a new relationship until you are done grieving.
· Trust that when ready you will attract the right partner.
· Welcome the pain as an opportunity to evolve It's through
self-evolution that you will be able to create the
relationship of your dreams.
After you've allowed yourself to experience each stage of a
break-up and are ready to do work toward attracting your ideal
realtionship, take the class "How to Stop Being Single." Learn
more about the class and enroll at
http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
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